On of the greatest gifts of sobriety is the ability to let others be who they are. And not just from a ‘keeping my mouth shut’ perspective, but from an emotional perspective. That means I don’t get (as) worked up emotionally when someone isn’t acting or behaving the way I think they should. 

Prior to learning this skill, I was so entangled in others and their lives. I made my opinion known when it wasn’t welcome and tried to control people and what they did or didn’t do. I’d also be on a roller coaster of emotions, easily affected by the actions or inactions of others. That was the most painful thing. Getting so worked up all the time and my mental health and emotional being contingent on others. Talk about feeling out of control. 

I had a script for others and I needed them to behave a certain way or I was uncomfortable. And by uncomfortable, I mean a range from anxious to angry. I wasn’t just this way with close friends and family members, either. Someone on the news could do something and I’d be upset. I was too involved in everyone else’s business and it was costing me my peace. 

Out of exhaustion and not virtue, I had to learn how to live and let others live. To let the chaos swirl around me and remain calm and centered. It meant letting go of what other people do and say. This came from learning to trust that not only did I have a higher power, but so did everyone else. And I have no idea what’s best for someone. Everyone has their own universal flow leading them to their highest good. Me getting involved could actually derail what the universe had planned for that person. In fact, a spiritual teacher of mine always says that the nicest thing I can do for my fellow human is to leave them alone. After all, I can’t think my way out of a paper bag on a good day. 

I first practiced this by keeping my mouth shut and not sharing my opinion, thoughts or advice unless specifically asked. Then I had to practice putting up an emotional shield internally to protect me from the emotional swings. When faced with a situation, I literally imagine a fortress of peace and protection going up around me. I visualize the chaos around me, but not touching me. I take deep breaths and tell myself the truth – I am not in charge. 

Practicing this over and over again has allowed me to let go emotionally of people and of outcomes much more than ever before. It’s not perfect, and I still find myself worked up from time to time, but overall the more I practice the freer I become.