The dirty 10 letter word I used to dread. It’s supposedly the answer to my problems, but how and why? There are many definitions of acceptance, but my favorite is the “willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation”. And tolerate means to “allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.”

So, to accept something means I allow it to be with out interfering, or getting involved from an emotional or other standpoint. It means I let life – the situations and the people – be as they are. Which is interesting because life is going to be life whether I allow it or not. 

I’ll get to that in a minute. But first, there is a common misconception that acceptance means liking something. Or even agreeing with it. Not the case. I can accept a situation and be super unhappy about it at the same time. It just means that I acknowledge the situation or person as it is and go about my business. Resisting it and trying to change (what cannot be changed) is where the suffering is at. 

For example, someone gets a promotion at work I thought I deserved. Not accepting it means I internally resist what is and think about all the ways it can be different. In reality, the person got the promotion. That’s not going to change. Me spinning around wishing it wasn’t true does nothing to move the needle. It just causes me to suffer. In this scenario, how can I accept what I deem unfair? I can feel my feelings and move on. And I can act as if I’m ok with it until the feelings pass. 

Part of the reason I may not want to move on is because I’m so sure or I think I know what’s best for me. What I’ve learned over time, and come to believe in, is that there is a universal energy taking care of me. What’s meant for me will find me and what’s not in my highest good won’t. 

What’s interesting I that I have no problem accepting good things. Like if I win the lottery I’m not complaining. So it goes to stand that if I’m not accepting things I’m in charge, or I think I know what’s best for me. And I can’t see that sometimes there is something or someone better suited for me. I just want it now. 

I didn’t grow into this understanding and belief overnight. And I certainly don’t magically accept everything the minute it happens. It’s been a process where I look back and see that things are happening the way they should. From there, I come to trust the present circumstances much more. And still, sometimes resistance gets me and I kick and scream. But usually for a much shorter period of time than before. 

One other quick thing about acceptance. Sometimes it’s the starting place for me to take action. Say I’m dissatisfied with my job. I can accept that I’m dissatisfied and stay or I can accept that I’m dissatisfied and leave. If it’s the latter, I now have work to do. 

In any event, it’s not easy to accept things all the time, if at all. But if I can realize that it’s ok to have all my feelings – disappointment, anger, etc. – but also get off the hamster wheel of trying to change what cannot be changed, I’m heading in the right direction.