Are we manifesting or is life unfolding the way it should? 

The whole manifesting movement gets to me. But only because I can’t seem to keep my thoughts and vibes on a high enough plane for it to work (lol). I get the concept – believe it’s yours and it is. Think positive and attract in what you want. Feel good and what you desire will stick to you. 

Sounds easy enough. But I seem to fall in this weird trap of feeling guilty for not feeling great all the time. And then believing that I’ll never manifest anything because I’m not a bubble of positivity. And I’m pretty sure that’s making it worse, which adds to the crappy feelings. 

So first of all, are we powerful enough to manifest stuff, people or situations? And how does that fit in with the idea that the universe brings you what you need when you need it for your highest good? And second of all, if I’m naturally negative, am I screwing myself over?

Here’s what I think. If we desire something – a relationship, a job, money, etc. – what we actually want are the feelings that come along with it. Like companionship and security. And to me, those are primal instincts that are natural for someone to want. And I also think these are things we are all deserving of and are rightfully ours in a loving universe. So that leads me to think that it’s not necessarily a withholding or something I need to make happen, as it’s something I need to prepare myself to receive. 

I wanted a relationship for a long time. And for a long time I remained single. I created a vision board, sent out good vibes, journaled and envisioned myself in a relationship. I was also in therapy and reading a ton of self-help books, which opened my eyes to the fact that I was emotionally unavailable and also full of false beliefs when it came to relationships. It occurred to me that as long as I stayed the same, I would continue to attract in emotionally unavailable men. And it also occurred to me that as long as I was too afraid and too uncomfortable to be open and available I wouldn’t be in a relationship. 

So I did the work. And the opening up part just took time. I also remember having a switch in thinking right before I met my husband. I wanted to meet my future husband – but for real this time, meaning I was willing to be afraid and uncomfortable. And within a few months, I met Steve. 

So, the million dollar question – did I manifest my husband or was I just ready to meet him?! I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t positively think him into existence.

I’m not against manifesting. I’m against the belief that unless you have high vibes all the time, you won’t get what you want. It’s not realistic. I’m naturally wired to be discontented, anxious and depressed. When I first tried manifesting, I spent most of my day catching my negative thoughts, freaking out and then trying to think positively. Nothing wrong with that, except I made myself slightly nuts. For someone like me, who feels the way I feel and thinks the way I think, I had to come up with a better interpretation of the manifesting concept. 

First, I stopped feeling guilty for the way I felt. I used the recognition that I wasn’t feeling great to ask the universe for help. Second, I changed my beliefs. Good things can come to the depressed. I’m sure of it. I no longer believe that I need to vibrate high all the time to have a good life. And third, by paying attention to my thoughts and feelings, I’ve realized that I’m not negative or down all the time. I had to also change the belief that I’m a negative person. I’m just a person who feels deeply. 

I believe you can co-create the life you want by accepting what is, asking for help and allowing what’s meant to be to unfold.. and doing the work to clear out what’s in the way. Co-creation means there are things I need to do, too. Like my book for example. It didn’t write itself. But I also didn’t feel great the entire time I wrote it. I just wrote it despite how I felt. 

I guess this is my long winded way to say that I’m not against manifesting. If it works for you, that’s great! I’m just here for those of us that struggle with it and need to look at it a different way based on how we are wired. If you’re in the same boat, just know you can change your beliefs and accept the way you think and feel. And that will free up a lot of energy to make room for what you desire most.