How are the voices in your head? Mine are not very nice at times. In fact, they can be fairly miserable. I have this predominantly negative voice that runs like a CNN news ticker 24 hours a day rotating through bad ideas, worst case scenarios and put downs. It’s a fun a time. For a long time I lived in just that stream of consciousness. And I believed what it said, which meant I was afraid and anxious most of the time. 

I was convinced that if I worked hard enough, I could totally eliminate that voice. And needless to say, I was super frustrated when the negativity and fear continued despite therapy, hypnosis, recovery, reading, journaling, you name it. On top of the negative self talk I developed a resentment about it. I was furious that my hard work wasn’t paying off. And I was obsessed with it. It seemed that all I did all day was hear my negative voice, judge it and then get mad at it. 

So what are we to do with all this negativity? There are a few things I’ve discovered on my journey that have allowed me to live with – not in – my crazy brain. 

The first is awareness. I had no idea that my mind was a bad neighborhood I could actually get out of. I just thought my thinking was it. It’s all I knew. I lived in that state for decades before I got sober and even in to sobriety. It wasn’t until I became aware of my situation that I realized I’d been living in a torture chamber. I became aware of my thoughts a few different ways. First, other people pointed out my thinking to me. This, of course, took some willingness on my part to open up to others about what was going on between my ears. Next, my therapist pointed out my negative thinking during our sessions. And finally, meditation gave my the ability to create a new stream of consciousness that can witness the negative voice. 

Once I was aware that my thinking was negative, I launched into action to get rid of it. And after that largely fruitless journey, I wound up at a brand new place – acceptance. The next step in my journey was to accept that I might always have a negative voice in my head. It felt defeating I’ll admit. Not to mention frustrating. But I didn’t have any other options left at that point and I’m so glad I didn’t because magical things started happening. 

I switched my focus from elimination to coping with negative self talk. I learned tools that helped me manage my state of mind. The best tool I learned and practice to this day is observing the voices in my head rather than judging or trying to change them. Just literally watching the voice go by. The coolest part of this tool is the recognition that I cannot be living in a one dimensional negative world if I have the wherewithal to witness my thoughts. I was one huge step away from total darkness. 

What was important for me at this phase was to learn that the voice is not true. This took some convincing and some practice. I was so afraid that the voice was true I was afraid to not listen to it. This brings up an interesting twist. Why? For example, there is a part of me that is terrified of flying (which is ironic because I love to travel). Before I fly, the voice in my head comes up with worst case scenarios. I used to believe this voice and avoided flying even though air travel is the safest form of travel. No matter how much work I did, I was terrified to not heed the warnings between my ears. Until I learned that I could observe that voice and believe it wasn’t true. That meant flying in-spite of my fears and seeing for myself that everything was just fine. Once I stood up to the voice and proceeded, I started to realize that it didn’t need to have power over me. And if that was true about the big things, it must be true about the small stuff too. 

Now that I was aware of the negativity and starting to believe it wasn’t true, I was able to see that another voice exists. The one that tells me everything is ok and even if it’s not, I’ll be ok. Now I had two streams of thought between my ears and it became my responsibility to build up that positive voice until it dominated my thoughts. I did that by exposing my negative thinking as much as I could, learning to laugh at the nonsense it comes up with, continuing to meditate regularly to keep my awareness level high, and above all, accepting that my silly mind will always have something negative to say. The difference now, with that acceptance, is that I can spot it rather quickly and I know what to do about it so I don’t dive down the rabbit hole. It took practice and a willingness to get comfortable with the negative voice. Allowing it to be and do its thing without resistance. This doesn’t mean I kick back and listen to it for hours on end. It means I have a new relationship with it. I recognize it, try and laugh at its ridiculousness and move into some form of action in the opposite direction. 

Today, I still have that lousy voice but it’s in the background rather than forefront of my mind. I don’t believe everything it says. I have a positive voice that tells me the truth. And most of the time I can quickly spot it and roll my eyes and move on to better things. And the longer I practice this and keep up my mediation and recovery practices, the quieter that voice gets.