Ugh the beginning of recovery is the best of times and the worst of times. What a gigantic mind f$ck the whole thing is. It’s great to not be drunk and hungover. To fall asleep instead of pass out. To not worry about what you did the night before. That terrible paranoia of piecing things together. I couldn’t deny that things were one million times better without booze, especially for the first six months. I also met tons of other alcoholics and finally, finally felt like I had a diagnosis for the nearly three decades of pain and suffering. What a relief!

I also learned that I suffered from a disease that went way beyond a physical addiction to alcohol. It was like life-long mystery was being solved. It was fascinating. My mind was blown on a regular basis when someone said something I only thought existed between my two ears.

While all this was great, it also meant that I had a ton of learning and healing to do. I was, in effect, starting over. Or more like just starting life. One of the first things I learned is that my sneaking suspicion that I was different from my non-alcoholic peers was totally true. But not in the shameful way I spent to many years trying to hide. I was just wired differently, so the same rules that applied to normies just didn’t apply to me. I couldn’t drink alcohol sanely or safely. That was clear. What surprised me were all the other differences. Normies, to some extent, know how to feel there feelings. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, they average around a 4 intensity-wise and I average around a 92. They also feel happiness and contentment without alcohol. Most normies do not have the same squirrely mind that I have. You know, the million negative thoughts per minute.

Starting life at the age of 29 is no easy task, especially when the rest of the world does not care where you’ve been all these years. There’s a moving that came out in 1988 called Big. Tom Hanks wishes he was an adult and is magically transformed into a 30 year old. He quickly realizes it’s no fun being a grown up and wishes to return to his 12 year old self. I get that, except I wouldn’t want to return to my 12 year old self, either.

Anyways, this is why it’s awkward to get sober. I felt like a 12 year old in a 30 year old body, but the body I was inhabiting I wasn’t sure I liked all that much. I felt like a newborn deer learning how to do everything for the first time. Getting a job, paying bills, dating (oof), friendships, to name a few, were all brand new to me. And I felt like I had to hide it from the rest of the world. Or at least pretend to know what I was doing when amongst the other humans.

Just not drinking is hard enough, but add in this element and it’s even more challenging to stay sober. But not impossible! In fact, once you learn how to do these things, you find out it’s not as hard as you thought it was.. well, except maybe for dating. But that’s a whole other blog post.

Ask your sober friends or therapist or spiritual advisor for help! That vulnerability is the first step in overcoming the fear of doing things sober. It took me a long time to drop my guard and let people know I was struggling. I don’t recommend it. The next thing to do is actually do it. It might sound simple, but starting to put together a resume can be daunting. I needed a drink for everything, including typing up a resume. This is when all those self-help and spiritual teachers you follow on Instagram come in handy. There are tons of advice on how to complete difficult tasks. My advice is to just sit down and start typing. Or watch a youtube video. But do something. There is so much fear in putting things off.

We torture ourselves sitting on the fence or waiting to get things done. Eventually you just have to get over it and get it done. Yes, it’s awkward not knowing how to do things you should know how to do. Yes, it’s awkward learning new things as an adult. Yes, it’s awkward doing things for the first time. But it gets easier if you do it.

Once you do everything – and I mean everything – for the first time sober, it will get easier. And the more you do them the easier it gets. It just takes the courage to do the things you’re afraid of doing!